The Things That Changed Me
by AngelicPassion
Summary: With everything that has happened to her, can Hermione move on? Maybe she'll find love again, but who will she choose to trust with her fragile heart?
1. Chapter One

**_A/N_ : Italics mean flashback!**

* * *

Sometimes, I think about the past and what has happened since the Great War.

I try to pinpoint a specific time in my life where everything just simply went down the drain.

But I can't...

My head is full of the terrible events that happened, leading up to the present.

I'm drowning in my memories, I can't really focus on one memory for too long...

Maybe it's all of the poison in my system. Yeah, that's probably it. Maybe if I hadn't consumed enough firewhiskey to kill a full grown mountain troll, I could figure out why my life is so shitty...

I take another drink from the bottle in my right hand, finishing it. I moved to the one in my left hand, to find it empty.

I sigh, place the empty firewhiskey bottles on the coffee table next to me, carefully stand and make my way to the bathroom.

I splash cold water on my face and look up into the mirror.

Oh Merlin. In the mirror, I see a woman who looks twice her age; with bloodshot eyes; dirty, brown, tangled, bushy hair...that hasn't been washed in days; and deep purple bags under both of her tired brown eyes.

_"Hermione, maybe you should lay off the whiskey. It's not very good for you." Harry reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. _

_"I can take care of myself, Harry." I said, shaking his hand off and looked down at my shoes. This isn't the first time he brought up my drinking habits. "And besides, it helps me move past my problems." I mumbled._

_Harry sighed and took my hand. "I know, but there are healthier ways to move past your problems." He placed his finger from his free hand under my chin and lifted my face so I would look at him. "Hermione... I speak for myself, and all of the people who care about you, we're really worried about you. You're my best friend, and I can't watch you waste away anymore."_

_"Harry, I... I just can't get over so much loss." My voice was shaking and climbing an octave or so higher. "I lost so many friends in that stupid war, I lost my parents and..." I took a deep breath. "I'm a twenty-three year old widow." My voice cracked as I let the tears flow freely down my face._

_Pain. My heart was re-breaking. I had forced myself to push everything to the back of my mind. Saying everything out loud just seemed to make everything so... real. _

_Harry just stood their holding me. Letting me sob into his shoulder._

_"Don't forget, you're not alone. You know you can always come to me." He whispered into my hair. "Just talk to me Hermione. It helps when you talk to somebody. I know it helped me when I told Ginny everything. We helped each other pick up the pieces.__"_

_I lifted my head off of his shoulder to look at him. He was crying too. _

_He had been so happy when he got here to announce that he finally got the courage to propose to Ginny. Then he caught sight of the empty firewhiskey bottles overflowing from my waste bin. Uhg. I really knew how to bring down a wonderful mood didn't I? What kind of a friend makes her best friend cry on one of his happiest days._

_I took a deep breath and stepped out of Harry's embrace. _

_"Harry, I'm really tired. I don't mean to be rude, but maybe you should leave."_

_"Not until I know you'll be ok."_

_"What? Of course I'll be fine." I managed a weak smile._

_"Well, I know how you get when you're fired from a job and I-"_

_"How do you know about that?"_

_He looked away with a guilty expression. "I keep an eye on your records." He mumbled almost inaudibly._

_"You what?" I felt my face flush. That means he knows about all of the times I was fired. About all of the jobs I couldn't keep. About how many times I've been taken to St. Mungo's for alcohol poisoning. About how behind I am on the payments for my flat. About how behind I am on the payments for the cheap, rundown car that I don't even use. About all of the times I've been accused of stealing food because I couldn't afford a meal. God, how embarrassing. _

_"I was only trying to look after you. I didn't mean to upset you." He explained._

_I glared at him. "Everything in there is personal! You shouldn't have done that."_

_"Hermione, I'm sorry. Please. Just-" _

_"No. I don't want to hear it." I said as calmly as I could. "Please leave."_

_"Hermione, I just need to know that you'll be alright."_

_I couldn't look at him, so I just stared blankly at a spot on the wall above his shoulder. My head was pounding. I knew I shouldn't be mad. But I couldn't help it. I knew he had my best interest at heart. But everything in there is personal, and utterly embarrassing. _

_"I'll be fine as soon as you leave." I said through clenched teeth._

_"I'm sorry." He whispered as he turned and walked to the door of my flat._

I turned and stumbled out of my bathroom into the hallway. I paused halfway to my bedroom and turned to see the picture hanging on the wall to my left. It was a picture from my twenty-first birthday. A picture of me, Harry, Ginny, and Ron.

Wow, was that really me?

I studied the picture carefully. My eyes were bright and happy and my hair was hardly bushy at all, it looked shiny and healthy in big fluffy ringlets a little past my shoulders. I looked to the right half of the picture and saw a truly happy Harry with his arm slung across a smiling Ginny's shoulders. I glanced to the left half of the picture and saw Ron.

Oh Ronald...

I reached up to touch the picture. My fingers gently stroked his face, and he smiled even bigger and started waving frantically.

_I was sitting inside the burrow reading the Daily Prophet and trying to tune out Ginny, Molly, and Fleur argue about something or other while Angelina tried to get everybody to calm down._

_I rolled my eyes and smiled. I loved my Sunday afternoons with the Weasleys._

_**SLAM!**_

_All five of us jumped and turned to look at the culprit of the disruption. _

_"Mum! Fast...Ron...fell...broom...blood..." Gasped a soaking wet Charlie as he clutched the hitch in his side._

_Molly ran outside to see Bill holding an unconscious Ron covered in blood._

_Molly screamed as black engulfed me._

I shake my heard trying to stop the next memory from surfacing.

_I slowly become aware of my surroundings._

_Soft voices. Footsteps. _

_What happened? Why does my head hurt?_

_I try to stifle a slight moan as I try to turn my head, but the headache is so overpowering I can't help it._

_"Hermione?"_

_"Is she awake?"_

_"Has she come around?"_

_"Back up everybody, give her some room."_

_I finally manage to open my eyes._

_"Hermione, dear, how are you feeling?" asked Molly._

_"I feel...drained. My head is pounding." _

_"Well you took quite a shock." whispered Angelina._

_I looked around again. Why was everybody looking at me as if I might explode at any minute?_

_"What's going on?" I asked._

_I waited a few minutes for somebody to answer me. Nobody did._

_"What happened?" I tried again._

_"You don't...remember...any...thing?" Harry slowly asked._

_"Uhm, no?" I thought back. "Well, I was reading...and...Charlie slammed the door." I paused, why couldn't I remember? "Then..." I willed myself to bring the memory back. "Uhm..." I tried again. "My head... it feels like it's going to explode."_

_"What was the last thing you saw?" whispered Harry._

_"Harry, don't push her, give her some time." said Ginny._

_I looked at them. Something was off. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to try to get my brain back on track._

_I opened my eyes and looked around again. Somebody was missing. _

_"Where's Ron?" I asked Harry._

_He just stared at me with a sympathetic look._

_I tried to get myself to remember again._

_"How long have I been out?" I asked instead._

_"Eet's ven two dayz." mumbled Fleur._

_It's been that long? Wow, shouldn't Ron be here? Shouldn't he be sitting here beside me. I know if he had been hurt that I would... Blood. The last thing I remember was blood. Somebody was bleeding? No, not somebody, RON._

_I jumped off the bed only to find that I moved too fast and my movement made my head spin. I fell back onto the bed._

_"Ron, where is he? How is he? It he alright? I have to see him!" I gasped, clutching my head._

_Molly started crying. I watched as Charlie held his crying mother._

_I gave them a bewildered look. "He's alright isn't he? They fixed him right up, right?"_

_Harry walked over with unshed tears built up in his sad emerald eyes. He placed his hand on my shoulder and shook his head. Seeing that movement, Ginny collapsed into the chair and buried her face in her hands. Fleur was sobbing and clutching a silent, solemn looking Bill. I looked up at Harry._

_"Harry? Tell me he's ok. Tell me that my husband is ok!"_

_"He's...gone..." Harry choked out, letting his tears fall. Ginny and Molly were sobbing loudly. And Fleur's body was shaking uncontrollably with her heart wrenching sobs. Yet, I couldn't hear them. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything._

I pulled myself out of the memory to find myself curled up on the floor, with silent tears flowing steadily down my face.

Oh God, Ronald, why did you have to do this to me? You promised you would never leave.

* * *

I grumbled and rolled onto my side, trying to turn away from the bright intruding sunlight.

Holy fuck. My head feels like it's about to split in two.

I reach for my pillow so I can cover my face with it to block out the bright light, but it's not there. Instead, there's a wall?

Huh?

I opened my eyes, but shut them again as soon as the sun pierced my eyes with its painful, yellow rays. I tried again, but slowly this time.

I was on the floor in my hallway? Oh, that's right. Last night. That explains the hangover. I slowly sat up, trying to let my stiff muscles adjust. My body was really sore from being on the hard floor.

I got to my feet and winced when my back straightened up.

I started toward the kitchen. I think I need to brew a nice, strong anti-hangover potion. You'd think I'd remember the name of the potion that I have to brew almost every other day. But I don't, it's an unpleasant reminder of who I let myself become.

* * *

**__****_Disclaimer_ : I only own the plot and characters that I introduce. I do not own the characters of Harry Potter. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I am receiving no profit for my story, it is for entertainment purposes only.**

**_A/N__ : Well, this is my first ever attempt on writing something other than poetry. :O So, be gentle? I would appreciate constructive criticism and any ideas that you have for the story. (: If you have suggestions, please send me a private message. If you have anything to say, anything at all, please review. I need motivation for this, since it's my first story and all. (: I know it's definitely not the best and it's not very long, but tell me what you think anyway and help me improve my writing? (:_**

**_-AngelicPassion_**


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N : I am EXTREMELY sorry for the long long long wait. :/  
I've just had so much that I need to take care of since school is just around the corner.**

* * *

I studied myself in the mirror.

When was the last time I've been this sober? Hell, when was the last time I cleaned myself up? The last time I had a job. I grimaced, that was 27 days ago.

I looked away from the greasy haired woman's face and looked down at what she was wearing. Pajamas. Black cotton pajamas with multiple alcohol stains. I turned away from the mirror.

I really need to pull myself together. Ron wouldn't approve of this. Ron... Fresh tears stung my eyes as I imagined what he would say to me. He would tell me that life goes on, and there's no need to throw my life away. He'd ask me where the brave and courageous Hermione was. I fell to my knees as a strong wave of emptiness overcame me, and my taped together heart fell apart again.

It took several minutes, but I finally mustered enough strength to stand again and walk to my bed. Maybe a few hours of rest will help. I lay back and close my eyes, giving in to unconsciousness the millisecond that my top eyelids met my bottom eyelids...

* * *

I opened my eyes and rolled onto my back. I sat up, yawned, and stretched.

I smiled, this is the first time in over two weeks that I've managed to sleep more than a few hours, I felt alive again. I threw the covers off of me and caught a very unpleasant smell. I crinkled my nose and got out of bed. I made my way to the kitchen. I had to go on a scavenger hunt for a clean bowl. When I finally found it, I placed it on the counter and went to look for come cereal. I poured the last of the cereal into my bowl. I was opening the refrigerator door to get the milk when I felt something change in the air around me.

Ah, my wards. Somebody was here. Sure enough, as soon as I had decided to go to the door, somebody knocked.

I looked through the peephole and found Harry standing in the hallway with a bouquet of yellow roses.

I cracked open the door, just enough so he could see part of my face.

"Harry?"

"Hermione." He smiled tentatively. "How are you?"

"I feel a lot better." I glanced at the flowers. "Uhm... Is there something you need err...?"

"Huh? Oh, no. I just didn't like the way our last conversation ended. I wanted to try and make it up to you."

I opened the door the rest of the way, he stepped forward, and gave me a hesitant hug. He pulled back a little and sniffed the air.

"How long has it been since you... erm... cleaned up?"

I blushed, "Too long."

He started walking to the kitchen. I followed. "Well, I think you should go get ready. I'll wait for you in your living room." He said as he was rummaging through my cabinets.

"Oh, ok." I said as I tried to figure out what the hell he was doing. "Exactly what are we doing today?"

He reached in and pulled out an old glass vase. "We're going shopping." He walked to the sink, rinsed the vase, and filled it with water.

Was he joking? "I haven't any money to spare. You know that."

He placed the roses in the vase and placed the vase in the middle of my table. He turned to face me. "It's my treat." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And by the way, these flowers are for you."

"Thank you." I smiled. I figured I should wash up before I do anything else. "Make yourself comfortable, when I get out of the shower, we'll discuss today's plans."

He sat down on my sofa and immediately sprawled himself all over it. "I don't care. We can do whatever you want, _after _we're finished shopping. But I'm paying for everything." He grabbed the remote and flicked on the telly.

"Well, that's up for discussion as well."

I turned and walked to the bathroom.

Maybe today would be fun, I thought as I closed the door behind me...

As I showered, my mind kept wandering.

_As Ron held the door open to the five star restaurant, I wondered how long it had taken him to save up the money for this place. I took in my surroundings. Everything about the place was elegant, from the metallic silver tiles to the black tablecloths with lace trimming to the sparkling chandelier in the middle of the ceiling. Every woman I saw was obviously part of the upper class, with their countless diamonds shimmering in the light. _

_A tall blond in a strapless, knee length, deep red dress, approached us. "Good evening, you had a reservation for Weasley, correct?" _

_"Yes." He smiled._

_"Alright, follow me." She flashed him a startling perfect smile. "And everything is in order." She winked at him, looked him up and down slowly, and turned to start leading us to our table. I grimaced. She was already getting on my nerves. __We took our seats at the table. "Your server will be with you shortly."_

_I watched her leave. I looked at Ron, "Can you believe her?"_

_He looked up from the menu with a confused look on his face. "What?"_

_"She was practically undressing you with her eyes."_

_"No she wasn't."_

_"She was actually." _

_"Really?"_

_"Oh don't tell me you didn't notice."_

_He just stared at me._

_I didn't like the look he was giving me. "What?"_

_"Don't you know that you're the only woman I notice." It was more of a statement than a question._

_I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my lips or the blush creeping up my neck._

_He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "Anyway, I haven't told you what we're celebrating."_

_I just looked at him expectantly._

_His eyes were sparkling. "Well, the Chudley Cannons held a tryout for their open keeper spot, and uhm, I made it."_

_"...You're joking."_

_"No, I'm not. They said I was unquestionably the best who tried out, and they said I have the potential to be great." _

_"Well... Congratulations! I'm so excited for you!"_

_He shot me his toothy grin as the server delivered our water. "Hello, I am Jeremy. I will be your server for this evening. Can I tempt you with any appetizers today?" _

_"No, thank you. But I believe we're ready to order." said Ron._

_Throughout the dinner, Ron and I talked about anything and everything. The atmosphere was extremely relaxed. _

_The server returned after we were finished eating and vanished our plates with a flick of his wand._

_"Will you be having any dessert tonight sir?" asked Jeremy with a knowing smile._

_"Of course we will." Said Ron with a sparkle in his eyes. "We'll share an order of Mele con Miele."_

_"Alright, I'll have it right out." and Jeremy left to the kitchens._

_I looked around the room, and to my surprise, it was completely empty. "I barely noticed that we're all alone." I said._

_"Yeah, I knew it would be more comfortable for us." He smiled. Oh Merlin I love his smile._

_"I requested he play one of your favorite songs."_

_"Huh?" Oh. For the first time, I noticed the quiet music from the corner. The man was playing Pathetique on his grand piano. "Oh, I do love this song." I smiled. "That was very thoughtful."_

_The lights dimmed. He reached over the table and grabbed both of my hands, I noticed he was shaking a bit, and searched my eyes. He smiled hesitantly. "Hermione, I love you with all my heart."_

_"I love you too Ron. You know that."_

_"I do. And I just want you to know how much I love you." He took a deep breath. "Hermione, you mean the world to me. We've somehow made it through all of our adventures in one piece. But there's one more adventure I'd like to try." He paused, looked down at our hands and let go._

_My mind was in overdrive. He isn't breaking up with me...is he? Does he need a break from me, is that the new adventure he wants? _

_He got up from his chair and walked around the table until he was right in front of me._

_This can't be the end. I willed myself to be strong and not to cry._

_He reached into his coat, pulled out a small black box, and got down on one knee._

_Oh... My... God! _

_"Hermione, you have helped me fulfil all my dreams, the fondest of my hopes. Having you in my life has changed me so much. You've helped me mature and realize that the little things matter. You are the main component in my life Hermione and I want to make that permanent." He took a deep breath and opened the little black box. "Hermione Jean Granger, will you marry me?"_

I shut off the water and reached up to retrieve the towel hanging over the shower door. I wrapped the towel around me and stepped out. I walked over to the sink and grabbed my face towel, I dried my face, then found a towel to wrap my hair with. I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. What did Ron see in me. I felt tears spring to my eyes so I decided to stop thinking and start dressing. I looked around the bathroom for my clothes.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I forgot to grab some clothes from my room, which was all the way across the house.

I opened the door and peeked into the hallway. The coast was clear. I took off running down the hall, but when I turned the corner, I guess I turned too early because I ran into the wall full blast, making me fall back on my bum. I looked up, oops, not a wall, Harry.

His eyes grew wide and he looked away quickly. I was about to ask what was wrong, but then I remembered I was wearing nothing but a towel. I looked down and drew a sharp intake of breath, I was looking at my naked body. Now, _my_ eyes grew wide. I gathered the towel around me, shot up from the floor, sprinted the rest of the way to my room, and slammed the door behind me. I leaned back on the closed door and slid down it until I was sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest.

Ok, so that was probably the most awkward situation I've ever been in.

* * *

When I stepped out of my bedroom and went to the living room, I found Harry pacing in front of the fireplace.

He looked up and smiled. "You look beautiful Mione."

I was wearing a simple, baby blue sundress and white sandals.

I smiled back, "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"I know."

"So, what are we doing today?"

"Shopping."

"For?"

"What you're wearing to my wedding."

"Isn't Ginny supposed to pick that out?"

"Well, I had to fight for you, but you're going to be my best... woman. Ginny wanted you to be her maid of honor."

I laughed. "Ok. So no best man, huh?"

"Nope."

"So... who's the maid of honor?"

"I think Angelina. Molly wanted it to be Fleur, but... I'm sure you know how that went."

I laughed again. Wow, it felt really good to laugh. Maybe this day out isn't such a bad idea.

* * *

**__****_Disclaimer_ : I only own the plot and characters that I introduce. I do not own the characters of Harry Potter. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I am receiving no profit for my story, it is for entertainment purposes only.**

**_A/N : I know. I know. This chapter isn't very long and it wasn't worth the wait. I'm truly sorry.  
I feel like such a horrid author.  
Well, some good news. I made a trailer for this fic. (The link is on my profile.)  
Don't worry, I haven't included every single surprise about the fic._**

P.S. And I rated this fic Mature because of the language, death, and darkness.  
I don't intend on including smut and I plan on gradually building the relationships.

**_Thank you. _**

**_-AngelicPassion_**


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